9.8.25 ~ Drop the Stones

Good morning!

Before we go into the land/ki tavo, let's visit a difficult commandment given to the parents of a rebellious son, where they are commanded to stone him to death. Absurd? Horrific? How could the God of all Creation, the God Who is Love (1 Jn. 4:8,16), say something like this?

"If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey the voice of his father and the voice of his mother, and does not listen to them when they discipline him; then his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He does not obey our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard.'
"Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid." (Deut. 21:18-21)

Sadly enough, it's misunderstanding passages like this that keep people from obeying all His commands; how barbaric! How are we to understand this Torah passage? First, are we to believe that parents would actually take up the Torah’s advice and have their son, not a daughter, killed if he acts like a gluttonous drunk in his teens?

Is he to be killed at an early age because the patterns of his behavior demonstrate that he is doomed to a life of inevitable evil. As some might suggest, "Let him die now before he really hurts society"? What about repentance? Certainly, a 13-year-old boy who is at this point not killing yet, certainly he may change his ways? Can we be certain that he will become a murderer or never change his "prodigal ways"? Isn't this a little presumptuous? Didn't even the wicked King Manassah become a baal-teshuva/master of repentance (2 Kings 21)? And isn't it God's desire that none would perish, but that all would come to repentance (2 Pet. 3:9)?

Fortunately, this edict has never once been carried out in all Israel's history. Could it be that this Torah law is less about the boy than it is his parents? Is there a deeper meaning? Inquiring minds want to know :-) Just as we emphasized the word "honor" in our last study and zoom call, the key to this commandment is "forgiveness".

Forgiveness? Yeppers. Forgiveness from the parents. Every child, even the greatest menace, has a holy spark/lapid inside of them that's good, divine and sacred (Jn. 1:9). To reveal that connection, a father and a mother must keep the bond with their children strong. When we sever our relationship with our children, even if we have good reason to do so, we deprive them of the ability to experience themselves as part of the golden, unbreakable chain as  Abraham's seed (Gal. 3:29).

I can personally testify that when the son feels the love inherent in his parents’ willingness to forgive him, despite all of his misdeeds, this keeps him connected to his roots. And since his roots are so deep and sacred, by God's design, there is now strong hope that he will find the ability to turn from his rebellious ways (Lk. 15:11-32).

On the flipside of this "coin", if the parents do not forgive their child, they do not allow him to forgive himself and start a fresh chapter in his life, they are inadvertently encouraging him to continue in his destructive path. UGH!

But flip the coin again...the moment they forgive him internally, the moment they can accept their child and love him despite his terrible and heartbreaking failures, they now allow him to discover his own spiritual power, which is deeper than all of his failings and trauma.

Just as God's love and forgiveness is available and He doesn't ultimately cast off His people (Lam. 3:31; Psa. 94:14; Jer. 31:37; Isa. 49:14,15; etc.), so too we should do the same with our children. Never ever disconnect from your child, even if it is not easy. Sometimes we are compelled to break the connection, to sever the bond, to alienate him or her. It is simply too painful to be in a relationship.

But this Torah command is telling us, this is the primary reason he will never be able to come back. You need to learn to forgive your children, to see the infinite light hidden in them, that light you saw in the child when he emerged from your womb as innocent and angelic as ever. Yes, there have been disappointments, perhaps betrayal, shame, and serious misdeeds. Your child is broken. So what does he need to find the stamina to repair himself? He needs to be able to believe in his soul, in his future, in his realized goodness and your forgiveness. He needs that spark fanned!

That was the true Light, which lights every man that cometh into the world. (Jn. 1:9)

How can we help him achieve that? If we can love him, if we can forgive him, if we can show him that he is not a worthless, helpless case, but a particle of the Divine, a ray of infinity, a fragment of God in this world. Keeping him connected to the chain, will allow him to see himself as the next link.

Drop the stones. Forgive and live!

Shalom,
Alan

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