11.15.25 ~ First Comes Love?

Good morning!

Last night's zoom call from the Torah portion, the life of Sarah (Gen. 23-25) Decisions lead to actions: talk less do more, the life of Abraham and his seed

Last week we saw love defined in action (Gen. 22:1,2). This week, for the first time we see love between a man and a woman (Gen. 24:67).

From the beginning men were commanded to leave mother and father and cling to their wives in order to become one flesh (Gen. 2:24); a very physical union. Love, on the other hand, is an intense emotional bond that is much more than physical intimacy; something commanded for us men to do towards our honey bunny's (Eph. 5:25-33).

Later in our studies, we will find that Jacob loves Rachel, but that’s before he married her (Gen. 29:18) and because of his circumstances his love later became divisive (Gen. 29:30). With Isaac and Rebecca, the love follows the marriage with profound intimacy. Why the difference?

Before we go any farther into this topic...yes, the lives of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs had friction :-)! It's how they dealt with it that made their relationships endure and grow. That's why, contrary to Abraham-Sarah, Jacob-Rachel-Leah, there is no friction ever mentioned, though there was; it's how they handled it that made the difference.

In last night's zoom call, I address the 3 time periods of a day, the 3 times of prayer in Scripture, the 3 patriarchs and how this relates to the 3 stages of marriage.

Morning brings with it a fresh and exhilarating energy. As a new day emerges, we have this sense (at least till we check our phone :-) that new possibilities are beaconing upon us.; His mercies are new every morning. A new dawn also triggers our imagination. Morning brings with it new frontiers to conquer and fresh glimmers of hope. It's a restart button! Abraham was a morning man!

Jacob's life, on the other hand, is riddled with darkness, uncertainty, loneliness, and struggle, fraught with drama and mystery; starting from the womb through his entire life (Isa. 40:27). No personality in the Torah is so connected with night as Jacob.

How about the vibe of the afternoon? Smack in the middle of a long and arduous day, lacking the freshness of the morning and the mystery of night, afternoons are often characterized by monotony. The day in the office is dragging on, and I am drained. If I am lucky enough to be a house mom or dad, the afternoon comes with its own stress: The children are returning from school, dinner is not made, the house is a mess, and I am tired; it’s been a long day. This is the story of Isaac.

Isaac lived in one location, and he never left it. His was more of a simple life. The only thing the Torah tells us about his vocation is that he grew grain and dug many a well (Gen. 26:18).

Isaac’s life might seemingly lack the grandeur, excitement, challenge, and mystique of Abraham and Jacob, yet he embodies the essence and foundation of our spiritual journey. The daily consistent and unwavering commitment to God and His work. Abraham was a revolutionary; he cast a new light on the world, but it was Isaac who created the vessels to contain and internalize the light. Isaac re dug the wells that Abraham established. He went deeply into himself and the world around him and revealed the subterranean living wellsprings of faith and commitment, ensuring that the flow never ceases. He embodied absolute dedication and resilience, consistent, unwavering, and unbending; easier said than done! But once done, it was easy :-)

What does this have to do with marriage you ask? Yes, enquiring minds want to know :-)

When we meet our future honey bunny, a new dawn overwhelms our heart’s horizon. We are overtaken by the newness and freshness of the experience. We are excited, inspired, full of hope of what our joined future might look like. This is the “Abraham” of marriage, the morning—shacharis— of a relationship; may it never die!

The passion and electricity that comes from the unknown, from discovering the untold layers of depth in your honey bunny's soul; the special awareness that is born from dealing with struggle and uncertainty. This is the “Jacob” element of marriage, the evening—”maariv”—of a relationship.

But then there is the “mincha” of marriage—the simple, unromantic, non-dramatic, commitment of two people to each other, during the boring and flat days of life. Two souls holding hands together through the mundanes of life, in difficult times, in serene times, in monotonous moments, and in thrilling moments. It is the loyalty and trust built over years of supporting each other, day by day, hour by hour.

Donny Osmond's "Puppy Love" is wonderful, but there is another type of love that is born out of the daily commitment and dedication to each other. This love can never be experienced before marriage, only afterward. This is Isaac's love for Rebekah.

Passion and romance are awesome, and we can all use a nice dose of them, regularly, but as our circumstances change, those 'butterfly moments' can fade away. A marriage must be built on good judgment, sound reason, an appreciation of the inner, enduring qualities and values of the other person, and it must possess the enduring commitment of a couple to each other, day-in, day-out, in a bond of steadfast, and simple faithfulness and trust. It is the capacity to hold your boundaries while connecting to the other person as a mature adult. Maybe, just maybe, this is why God says not to do the 'hoochie-koo-pg13 before marriage' :-)

Often, when men or women get physically involved, they become intoxicated by the pleasure and their blind spots cause them to overlook crucial information that might come to the surface a few years down the line and sadly sever the connection.

As you head into this Sabbath day, may your relationships, spiritually, emotionally and physically be like Isaacs. Talk less, do more.

Shabbat shalom!