12 27 25 – Can You Relate?

Have you ever asked yourself the question "what if..."? Or "if only..."? If only my circumstances had been different; if only I were born into a different type of family; if only I had a better personality; if only I had treated my spouse or children differently; if only I had not been abused; if only I had not experienced this mental or emotional challenge; if only I had not been saturated with anxiety and insecurity; if only I did not have this neediness at the core of my heart...

As in the life of Joseph—the one individual who cried more than anyone recorded in the Bible—life is painful. Sad at times. Tough at others. But then, when we take a deep breath, surrender our expectations, and allow ourselves to entertain the idea that the individual journey of our lives, in all of its ups and downs, is what will ultimately allow us to discover our unique mission in this world and impart our singular light to ourselves, to God, and to the world (Matt. 5:13–16). Can you discover deep in your heart that the mistakes you made are somehow part of a plan that will allow more light to come into the world? In this week's Torah portion, Vayigash ("and he drew near"), both Joseph and his family come to this conclusion.

The story of Joseph revealing himself to his brothers after decades of bitter separation is one of the most dramatic in the entire Torah. Twenty-two years earlier, when Joseph was seventeen years old, his brothers, loathing their younger kin, abducted him, threw him into a pit, and then opened the scenario door to him being sold as a slave to Egyptian merchants. In Egypt, he spent thirteen years in prison, from where he rose to become viceroy of the country that was the superpower at the time. Now, more than two decades later, the moment was finally ripe for reconciliation. All the pain. All the tears. All the lonely nights were about to make sense (Gen. 45:1–5). Please take the time to read those verses.

Did you notice anything strange? Joseph tells his brothers, "I am Joseph your brother..." two times. Why? What is his purpose? He is trying to bring them solace and offer them comfort. Yet his words to them, after they are horrified, seem to have the opposite effect. Can you relate? Why the need to repeat it? When Joseph revealed his identity, the brothers realized that all this time they were only seeing the external Joseph, not the true one. They thought they were interacting with the Gentile prime minister of Egypt when in reality he was their brother. Suddenly they realized that their vantage point of reality was external. They were completely deceived by their eyes. Can you relate?

The problem with this revelation is that it opened them up to a deeper painful truth: they never knew their brother. Even when they saw him, they never really knew him. Joseph easily identified the holiness within his brothers. They lived most of their lives isolated as spiritual shepherds involved in prayer, meditation, and study. Yet these very brothers lacked the ability to discern the moral richness etched in Joseph's heart. Even when Joseph was living with them in Canaan, they saw him as an outsider, as a danger to the integrity of the family of Israel. Certainly, when they encountered him in the form of an Egyptian leader, they failed to observe beyond the mask of a savvy politician the heart of a soul on fire.

But when Joseph declared, "I am Joseph," it was not merely a revelation of who he was on the outside, but also of who he was on the inside. They suddenly realized how both of his dreams materialized, and how indeed he was destined to influence the world and save so many from famine. For the first time in their entire lives, Joseph's brothers saw the greatest holiness in the world emerging from the face of an Egyptian vizier.

Imagine with me that you are married to the most beautiful, amazing woman in the world. But due to your own horrific traumas, you mistreated her emotionally. After years of all forms of healing, your mind is cleansed, and you discover what you did to your innocent spouse. How do you feel about it? The pain is far deeper than the punishment and consequences that might come your way; it is more than guilt. The inner devastation you experience when you realize what you have done to such a good person is agonizing.

Imagine that due to emotional dissociation caused by your own painful past, you neglected your children. They did not have an emotionally present father or mother, and then after profound inner work you discover your core, untarnished self, and you discover the pain you caused—even if unintentionally. The sense of remorse is heart-wrenching.

That is what the brothers felt like at that moment—they discovered what a tragic error they had made. They were locked in their own orbit, deaf to the cries of their brother, oblivious to the horizons that extended beyond theirs, incapable of appreciating his true soul. The sense of a profound crime and an irreplaceable loss tormented them. They were crushed because of the pain they caused their brother, the pain they caused their holy father, and the pain they caused the world: separating Joseph from Jacob for twenty-two years. Who knows, they thought, how much light they deprived the world of by separating the son from his father?

It was at this moment when Joseph said to his brothers, "Please come close to me." Joseph wanted them to approach even closer and gaze deeper into the divine light coming forth from his countenance. Now let me fill you in on a Hebrew insight :-) The words "I am Joseph your brother—it is I whom you sold into Egypt" in the original Hebrew can also be translated as "I am Joseph your brother—because you sold me into Egypt." What Joseph was stating was something incredibly powerful: I am the person I am today only because you sold me into Egyptian slavery. God sent me ahead of you to save many alive. They made him the person he was now. Their mistakes have allowed him to become an ambassador of light, hope, love, and healing to the world. Can you relate?

Had Joseph spent the two decades voyaging with his father down the paved road of spiritual serenity, he would have certainly reached great intellectual and emotional heights. But it was only through his confrontation with the abyss that Joseph gained that singular majesty, which turned him into one of the greatest leaders of the time, responsible for saving much of humanity. Joseph was not indifferent to his pain. He cries more times than anyone else in the Bible. He did not repress or deny his agony and torment. But as he gazed into the pain and sobbed, and as he surrendered his ego, expectations, and dreams of what life must look like to God's will, he discovered profound meaning and purpose in his journey—one that he could have never planned on his own.

Shabbat Shalom!

Alan