2.14.26 – The Animal Within

This week's Torah portion, Mishpatim (right rulings), deals with the laws of damages caused by one's animals (Ex. 21:35–36). One ox acts out of character by goring another animal (a tam), and the other has become a consistent gorer (a mu'ad).

The question that cattlemen and those with inquiring minds ask is, "Can these animals be rehabilitated?" Simply put, no animal is beyond restoration. There are really two solutions: severe discipline or a new owner with new surroundings.

How can we apply this set of laws to our own personal and spiritual lives? Each of us possesses an animal within—an earthy, mundane consciousness that seeks self-preservation and self-enhancement. Survival and comfort are its primary focus. This mindset is essential for our survival and for the emotions seeking to keep us safe and secure.

The "human-animal" is not inherently bad or destructive; it simply will do anything to survive and feel comfort, often cultivating patterns of aggression or isolation which, in its mind, are vital for survival.

At birth, the animal within is innocent and even adorable. Its primary goal is to preserve its existence and enjoy a safe and comfortable life. However, if our animal consciousness—our amygdala—does not get the safety it needs, and is not educated, cultivated, and refined, this cute, innocent animal can grow to become a frightened, self-centered, or isolated beast. The beast can turn into a monster, prone to destroying itself and others around it in its quest for survival. Sometimes our animal can become addicted to various things (food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol, sexuality, etc.) to desperately fill a void it is experiencing or run from a wounded self-image. Many of our inner animals become, at one point or another, damaging forces, causing pain to themselves and to others.

With the tam, the Torah tells us to be more understanding of the "owner" of the animal. Nobody is ever entitled to "gore" or "bite" another human being. But we need to remember that even the gentlest husband can lose himself and raise his voice in anger, and even the most loving woman may, in a moment of stress, make a denigrating comment. It is painful, and amends must be made, but it is not the end of the world.

We have our weak moments when our inner animal takes over our bodies and behaviors; we say or do hurtful words or deeds to ourselves or others. Our rational, visionary, and divine consciousness goes "offline" for those moments as our inner animal takes a stab at a spouse, child, co-worker, or stranger. It is hurtful, but we can make amends.

As long as the offender acknowledges his or her wrongdoing and accepts accountability, understanding and forgiveness may follow. To be human is to err. Our goal is not being flawless, but accountability. Life will sometimes throw you a curveball, and in the shock that follows you may lose yourself and begin to "gore." As long as you are accountable for your actions and words, as long as you can look on with compassion and identify what happened, your negative behavior is considered an anomaly—an aberration from your authentic, divine self. Every mistake teaches us a lesson from which we can grow.

But when I find that anxiety, fear, or dissociation takes over my system, my behaviors, and my relationships—when I am living in anger, shame, resentment, or just detached from my emotions—my body is responding to an inner wound it carries. I must realize I may be living in active trauma. My animal has shut down or has gone wild to protect me.

If the incidents of abuse and destruction persist—if a husband continuously shouts at or even constantly ignores his wife or children; if a person in a position of leadership shatters the lives of the people he is responsible for; if a wife only derides and ridicules her husband; if one cannot control their food, alcohol, drug, or sexual addiction—their behavior cannot be condoned. We are dealing with an animal whose selfish, destructive, and unhealthy inclinations have become the norm.

Making mistakes is part of life. But if these mistakes become regular habits without being controlled and stopped, they are dangerous. They have become a lifestyle, a routine, sometimes an addiction. The owner must "seize the bull by its horns" (pun intended) and accept full accountability.

Is there hope for this mu'ad? Yes, there are at least two roads to hope. The first is the rigorous process of self-refinement, in which your animal learns to confront and challenge its deepest fears and urges, and painstakingly de-beasts its abusive character.

Take your animal and submit it to the higher power, to the property of its divine Creator. Take your rage, your addictions, your depression, your fear, your shame, and submit them to God. As we have mentioned many times, the universe is created anew at every single moment. You, I, and all of existence are being re-created right here and right now. My present breath is the miracle of re-birth. In a balanced and centered consciousness, life happens in the here and now. Transferring to His ownership means that at this moment you can put your past demons to rest and start anew. You are as fresh as a newborn.

It is sometimes scary to throw away the baggage of our past; familiar misery seems more comfortable than unfamiliar change. But we need to take full responsibility for our future. We must muster our courage and view ourselves from God's perspective, from His ownership.

If you are serious and compassionate, your inner animal will listen—and respond.

I know I am expressing trauma when I have difficulty experiencing the miracle of the here and now—being fully present to the breath of life flowing through me at this moment. We heal trauma as we can be fully present to the creative divine energy flowing through us right now.

Healing begins when I can truly live in the now. When I can show up to the gift of the moment. When I can take my animal and its wounds and submit it to God, who recreates it each moment fresh and new. Let your animal submerge itself in goodness, love, and holiness. Fill your days and nights with meaningful behavior: with authentic connection and attachment, with kindness, with the study of Torah, the celebration of mitzvot, acts of grace—a life of authenticity and meaning. Your animal will get it. Now that is a holy cow.

Shabbat Shalom!
Alan