3.7.26 – He Never Forgets Your Sin

Traditionally, the golden calf (maseekah egel) was one of our lowest points in history.

Forty days earlier, they heard the voice of God; they vowed to become His people (Ex. 19:8; 24:3, 7). Now they were dancing around a golden calf and yelling, "This is your god, who has brought you up from Egypt!"

Forty days earlier, they stood at the foot of Mount Sinai and experienced the greatest moment in history: the only time God revealed Himself to an entire nation, giving them a blueprint to heal and sanctify the world. Now, five weeks later, the very same people are consumed by a golden calf. They are laughing, sacrificing animals, bowing down to it, and engaging in adultery all around their new god, crafted from the jewelry in their ears.

God's response to Moses is not happy (Ex. 32:10). He tells Moses, "Leave Me alone." Moses got the message: if he does not leave God alone, all would end up well. So Moses does not leave God alone. He pleads, prays, and begs for forgiveness. The people repent. God forgives the people. And we were not wiped off the face of the earth. But God, in spite of their repentance, will not forget their sin. Huh?

"But now go, lead the people to the place about which I have spoken to you; behold, my angel shall go before you. Nevertheless, in the day when I visit, I will visit their sin upon them."
(Ex. 32:34)

What does this mean? God is going to make an accounting of all my sin that I have repented from? Yeshua taught us to ask for forgiveness and forgive those who trespass against us (Matt. 6:12).

If sin is forgiven, why is He remembering it? Isaiah 49:15–16 gives us a wonderful insight:

"Shall a woman forget her sucking child, from having mercy on the child of her womb? These too shall forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me."
(Isa. 49:15–16)

What He will not forget is the day we came into covenant at Mount Sinai. However, with that event comes the "golden calf" (maseekah egel). How can this be? Inquiring minds want to know :-). Have you ever noticed that some people seem to be naturally good, while others are forever struggling with negative character traits and modern-day addictions? Some individuals have a serene inner landscape, while others are filled with trauma and toxicity. One individual is raised in a warm and loving home and, from earliest infancy, is impressed by educators and role models exemplifying integrity, compassion, and idealism, while his fellow has only dysfunction and corruption to emulate. Have you ever noticed? Me too.

The Israelites, over the past 430 years (210 in slavery), know the struggle of living outside the "Leave It to Beaver" household. In our Torah portion, Ki Tisa, after all these monumental moments from the exodus to Mount Sinai, then came the golden calf (Ex. 32). Suddenly, a new story emerged. There were hidden demons and skeletons in the psyche of Abraham's seed that still needed purging. The Torah was far from purely organic. Merely forty days after Sinai, they exploded. All the pressure of their new relationship and marital covenant with God went "splat" in their face, and they ran to the other extreme. They chose temporary insanity over security in their destined relationship. The rules got to them, and they decided that for one day they would go back into the sandbox and rebel against everything. They simply wanted to hear of no yoke, no God, no destiny, no meaning, no purpose. What they wanted was unbridled anarchy, promiscuity, and endless frivolousness disguised as spiritual intimacy (Ex. 32:6):

"And they rose up early the next day and offered burnt offerings and brought peace offerings. And the people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play."
(Ex. 32:6)

What was now revealed was the brokenness of God's firstborn son (Ex. 4:22)—the depth of their struggles from their difficult past. They had a long journey ahead of them. They were not the perfect, dreamy spouse where love at first sight translates into a lifelong romance. No! Forty days after their marriage, they already had a "spiritual affair." Here, merely forty days after the grand marriage between God and the Israelite people, they had betrayed Him and engaged in idolatry.

Throughout all of history, God promises: whenever I think of My people, I will recall the story of the golden calf—simply to give Me, God, perspective. It will remind Me not to take them for granted! Not to just assume that Torah comes easily to them, that living a life of nobility, morality, justice, and ethical depth is a no-brainer. No! I will always remember how deeply they fell at that fateful moment, and it will remind Me how much to appreciate all of their sacrifices, commitments, mitzvot, and their entire existence as My people. When they are doing something good, it will remind Me how much I ought to celebrate it and reward them for it—that I should never take their goodness for granted and assume that they could not have chosen any other path. And when they are failing, it will remind Me how expected that is too.

It is a lesson for each of us. Next time you fail, or see someone fail, instead of beating yourself or them up for it, cut yourself some slack. Let the very failure remind you to give yourself credit for all your good days and the effort to draw near to God, in spite of your difficult past. Take stock of all your positive accomplishments.

God is saying that He will forget the golden calf. When people repent, He "forgets" the sin. It gets completely erased. No future debts held. Yet when I remember Sinai—ah, then I will go back and remember the golden calf too! For it is the story of the golden calf that will put Sinai into perspective. It is the golden calf that will remind Me for all of eternity how much I need to appreciate the daily commitment and longing of every Israelite to do what God wants him or her to do in this world and the effort that they put forth to overcome their hideous past. Their willingness to leave the security of Egypt—as miserable as it was—and follow Me into the wilderness... wow, the effort... the desire to follow Me. I always remember the golden calf, not to condemn, but to recognize that they were trying their best to overcome their past.

Shabbat Shalom!
Alan