8.29.26 – No Invisible Ink

 During these forty days of repentance leading up to the Feast of Sukkot, I find myself asking a question that will not let me go: when it is all said and done, how do I really want to end this thing I call "my life"?

"You have placed our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your presence. For all our days have declined in Your fury; we have finished our years like a sigh."
(Psalm 90:8–9)

So, how do I want to finish? It is coming—I know that. Every day, I am twenty-four hours closer. What will it look like when that day arrives? Like most people, I want victory. I want to make a difference, leave a mark, finish well. God certainly has a hand in that, but I am increasingly convinced that He also longs for me to cross the finish line reflecting the image of His Son. It feels like the whole universe is conspiring to push me over that line in glory.

But as David so wisely observes, I can sabotage that intention myself. God places my iniquities before me—not to shame me with my failures, but to give me time to repent and be restored. And notice how David characterizes these disruptive, destructive iniquities. Are they overt acts of idolatry? Public arrogance? Fists raised to heaven in defiance? Not at all. They are 'alume. By the way, that word does not mean "secret sins." First, it is not plural. Second, it is not even a noun. 'Alume is the Qal passive participle of 'alam, meaning "to be hidden, concealed, secret." God is not bringing my hidden sins before me—He is bringing up my hiding, my acting in concealment, my pretending that no one sees. It is not the sin itself that is destroying my hoped-for victory; it is the masking behavior that is killing my hope.

Keep hiding. Keep everything looking so good on the outside while the closets are stuffed on the inside. David tells me where that leads: "We finished our years like a sigh." What does that mean? Kemo-hegeh—what is compared to a moan? The sound of a rumble, the growl of a beast. That is what it means. I will come to my end in a cry of dereliction, a sob of despondency, a whimper of defeat. Yes, keep on hiding. Keep up the fence of fame, the practice of pretense, the show of subterfuge. In the end, it is just moaning.

Some rules of the universe are easy to embrace—at least in theory. We all fall short of the glory of God. Yes, that is true. But what can anyone do about it? The wages of sin is death. Again, true. But there is grace that overlooks those "mistakes." God loves even the sinner—true enough. But of course, that is not an excuse to remain one. Some rules, however, are harder for a prideful person like me to truly accept. The consequences of hiding is one of them. "Out of sight, out of mind" feels more natural. Who really wants to talk about things done in the dark? There is usually not a line of volunteers waiting on that one.

But if God speaks the truth about wages, glory, and repentance, does He not also speak the truth about concealing?

There are some sins I wish I could write down in invisible ink, but with God, there is no invisible ink.

Shabbat Shalom,
Alan

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