11.22.24 ~ The Lack of Emotional Intelligence
Good morning!
Happy Preparation Day!
When I was a child, I was taught to say thank you. And if I did something wrong, I was told to say, 'I'm sorry'. Which begs to ask the question: "why are there so many poorly trained adults? Why do so many adults find it hard to say I’m sorry? or even thank you enough? Enquiring minds want to know!
Recently, a research project was released from Carnegie Mellon University that answers the question. Let me summarize the findings. The paper introduces a framework to explain what is called the responsibility exchange theory. It is used to explain why giving thanks and apologizing, as well as bragging and blaming others matters so much, and why we have such a hard time exchanging the right words at the right time.
Here’s the conundrum, while thank you and I’m sorry, makes the speaker appear caring or generous, and I’d add not raised in a barn by barbarians, they fear it is at the cost of seeming incompetent or weak. Then there is the opposite, falsely held belief that bragging and blaming bolsters, the speakers perceived competence, and status. But at the cost of seeming selfish or inconsiderate, and I’d add a Goober with a capital G, it cost nothing to say thank you and/or I’m sorry. However, to the individual with a low EQ (Emotional Quotient), the emotionally unintelligent ego feels like it cost them everything.
You see, the ego is in constant collection and hoarding mode of what the paper describes as "ego chips". It tries to collect and hoard chips like Imelda Marcos, the 1st woman dictator of the Philippines, who instituted martial law, stole billions of dollars from the people, spent their money in ridiculous ways, including collecting and hoarding shoes...the paper says, saying thank you or I’m sorry, for these individuals, is like having to hand over a chip or an Amelda case, a pair of shoes. In reality, to the "ego stock exchanges" this is known as a zero sum game: no one wins or loses, which is also why the egomaniac is also so bent on bragging and also assigning blame.
Bragging is a childish and foolhardy attempt at trying to collect ego chips from you and your attention. And if there is wrongdoing, oh, they are to finger point so that you don’t come after their chip pile. You see how childish this behavior is?
I can see you sitting there, bobbing your head up and down, but this is exactly how most people operate day in and day out. The bragging is off the charts these days. I mean, it is truly insane. People spend much of their day broadcasting their blatant narcissism via social media, text messages with friends, in meetings with clients, and in most every common conversation with acquaintances, or even strangers that you meet at the coffee shop...or at your kids soccer game...or at the church picnic...or...These people spend their whole day desperately trying to collect and preserve their ego chips. The real insanity of this is they think they are gaining chips, but in the eyes of the receiver, they are actually losing them. No one likes a braggart, and everyone knows when you were bragging, humble brag, or not. Every time you brag, you are losing chips in the eyes of the receiver and then there is blame; they are never the one at fault. There's an excuse for everything...I would have, but...it was because their kids had a meltdown this morning or the morning commute was terrible. Sure, they missed their sales numbers, but it was because the big account that was coming in this week had them preoccupied or they lost their funding unexpectedly or I didn't have time because...sure they promised themselves that they work out three times a week but a crisis at work caused them to have to stay late (Matt. 5:37; Jam. 5:12). The list could go on and on, couldn't it?
To admit responsibility would cost the ego a chip and the ego protects his chips at all cost. And once again, the insanity of this is every time you blame instead of taking ownership, you lose a chip in the eyes of everybody else. I’ve played this game most of my life too :-/ That is until I grew into my emotional intelligence (which is still growing) and I saw how the exchange actually works, the emotionally intelligent person realizes it's not a zero sum game.
In fact, when you give a chip, you don’t lose that chip. Instead, chips appear in its place. That is why we should say thank you as much as possible and I’m sorry as often as needed (1 Thess. 5:18). It doesn’t cost me a chip to do so. In fact, every time I give one of those chips away, I get two back from the receiver (Acts 20:35; Prov. 11:25). It is why we should take responsibility and never blame.
Do you see how this works and do you see how the ego has been playing it backwards? When the ego thought it was losing a chip, or gaining a chip, the opposite was happening. This is how many people end up socially and emotionally bankrupt. Hopefully, this summary with my additional thoughts encourages you to know how the interactive game of life actually works :-)
To multiply your chips all you have to do is give chips out for every Chip you give to come back. I call this 'filling the person's love tank'. It’s amazing! Knowing this reality, begs us to ask the question: how many chips are you going to give away today? How many times can you say a sincere thank you? How many times will you say, I’m sorry? Will you multiply your chips today? And for crying out loud, don’t let the chips just pour out of your pockets by continuing to being a Goober and denying responsibility for your parts in every situation that you are in. From a colon hydrotherapy perspective, it’s like spending chips on cotton candy. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It looked impressive, mastering that large object in your hand, but it will only leave you with a bloated belly, regret and social diabetes and you look ridiculous as you eat it as well (Phil. 2:3).
Have a great preparation work day!
Thanks for your daily reading and I'm sorry it's late this morning...the dog ate my notes (lol).
Shalom
When I was a child, I was taught to say thank you. And if I did something wrong, I was told to say, 'I'm sorry'. Which begs to ask the question: "why are there so many poorly trained adults? Why do so many adults find it hard to say I’m sorry? or even thank you enough? Enquiring minds want to know!
Recently, a research project was released from Carnegie Mellon University that answers the question. Let me summarize the findings. The paper introduces a framework to explain what is called the responsibility exchange theory. It is used to explain why giving thanks and apologizing, as well as bragging and blaming others matters so much, and why we have such a hard time exchanging the right words at the right time.
Here’s the conundrum, while thank you and I’m sorry, makes the speaker appear caring or generous, and I’d add not raised in a barn by barbarians, they fear it is at the cost of seeming incompetent or weak. Then there is the opposite, falsely held belief that bragging and blaming bolsters, the speakers perceived competence, and status. But at the cost of seeming selfish or inconsiderate, and I’d add a Goober with a capital G, it cost nothing to say thank you and/or I’m sorry. However, to the individual with a low EQ (Emotional Quotient), the emotionally unintelligent ego feels like it cost them everything.
You see, the ego is in constant collection and hoarding mode of what the paper describes as "ego chips". It tries to collect and hoard chips like Imelda Marcos, the 1st woman dictator of the Philippines, who instituted martial law, stole billions of dollars from the people, spent their money in ridiculous ways, including collecting and hoarding shoes...the paper says, saying thank you or I’m sorry, for these individuals, is like having to hand over a chip or an Amelda case, a pair of shoes. In reality, to the "ego stock exchanges" this is known as a zero sum game: no one wins or loses, which is also why the egomaniac is also so bent on bragging and also assigning blame.
Bragging is a childish and foolhardy attempt at trying to collect ego chips from you and your attention. And if there is wrongdoing, oh, they are to finger point so that you don’t come after their chip pile. You see how childish this behavior is?
I can see you sitting there, bobbing your head up and down, but this is exactly how most people operate day in and day out. The bragging is off the charts these days. I mean, it is truly insane. People spend much of their day broadcasting their blatant narcissism via social media, text messages with friends, in meetings with clients, and in most every common conversation with acquaintances, or even strangers that you meet at the coffee shop...or at your kids soccer game...or at the church picnic...or...These people spend their whole day desperately trying to collect and preserve their ego chips. The real insanity of this is they think they are gaining chips, but in the eyes of the receiver, they are actually losing them. No one likes a braggart, and everyone knows when you were bragging, humble brag, or not. Every time you brag, you are losing chips in the eyes of the receiver and then there is blame; they are never the one at fault. There's an excuse for everything...I would have, but...it was because their kids had a meltdown this morning or the morning commute was terrible. Sure, they missed their sales numbers, but it was because the big account that was coming in this week had them preoccupied or they lost their funding unexpectedly or I didn't have time because...sure they promised themselves that they work out three times a week but a crisis at work caused them to have to stay late (Matt. 5:37; Jam. 5:12). The list could go on and on, couldn't it?
To admit responsibility would cost the ego a chip and the ego protects his chips at all cost. And once again, the insanity of this is every time you blame instead of taking ownership, you lose a chip in the eyes of everybody else. I’ve played this game most of my life too :-/ That is until I grew into my emotional intelligence (which is still growing) and I saw how the exchange actually works, the emotionally intelligent person realizes it's not a zero sum game.
In fact, when you give a chip, you don’t lose that chip. Instead, chips appear in its place. That is why we should say thank you as much as possible and I’m sorry as often as needed (1 Thess. 5:18). It doesn’t cost me a chip to do so. In fact, every time I give one of those chips away, I get two back from the receiver (Acts 20:35; Prov. 11:25). It is why we should take responsibility and never blame.
Do you see how this works and do you see how the ego has been playing it backwards? When the ego thought it was losing a chip, or gaining a chip, the opposite was happening. This is how many people end up socially and emotionally bankrupt. Hopefully, this summary with my additional thoughts encourages you to know how the interactive game of life actually works :-)
To multiply your chips all you have to do is give chips out for every Chip you give to come back. I call this 'filling the person's love tank'. It’s amazing! Knowing this reality, begs us to ask the question: how many chips are you going to give away today? How many times can you say a sincere thank you? How many times will you say, I’m sorry? Will you multiply your chips today? And for crying out loud, don’t let the chips just pour out of your pockets by continuing to being a Goober and denying responsibility for your parts in every situation that you are in. From a colon hydrotherapy perspective, it’s like spending chips on cotton candy. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It looked impressive, mastering that large object in your hand, but it will only leave you with a bloated belly, regret and social diabetes and you look ridiculous as you eat it as well (Phil. 2:3).
Have a great preparation work day!
Thanks for your daily reading and I'm sorry it's late this morning...the dog ate my notes (lol).
Shalom
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