5.21.25 ~ How to Have a Fruitful and Happy Marriage

Good morning!

It’s the 39th day, the sixth week and fourth day of counting the omer. This week we have focused completely on marriage since that is the central theme behind Pentecost (Ex. 19-24; Acts 2). Why did God’s marriage with Israel end in divorce (Jer. 3:8; 2 Kgs. 17:6-12; Eze. 23:9; all of Hosea; Isa. 50:1; etc.)? Why do so many marriages and relationships end in divorce? The answer is quite simple. People have forgotten how to grow together in marriage and make a marriage last.

The first question we should ask is, "what makes a marriage"? We think of love. We are told love, more love, lots of love, and with unconditional love that will give your marriage permanent stability and meaning. Is that true? But something much more than love is needed for a fruitful and long, lasting marriage: it’s respect.

Here’s the problem: getting married means you’re going to become very familiar with each other. You’re going to share everything. You may have heard the old adage that 'familiarity breeds contempt'; you get too familiar with something or someone and now you lose all respect. The reason this respect diminishes is because the individual is not valued as special. Consequently, familiarity breeds content.

Which leads us to another question: "How can a marriage in which we become really familiar possibly work? How do I prevent contempt? This is a very serious question. Maybe we'd be better off not getting married? Or maybe we should live in separate houses and only get together when we are in good moods? Maybe we should avoid each other when we’re not in a good mood? You know, only see each other when we’re not at our best. Maybe that’s why in the "Leave it to Beaver Cleaver" household, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver slept in separate beds?

But how is this concept of marriage going to work? In marriage we become very, very familiar with each other, but how do we avoid developing contempt through familiarity?  That's a million dollar question! But the answer is very inexpensive, simply put: respect! Of the respect that you protect, you will never lose respect. How's this done?  Don’t do anything that makes your spouse lose respect for you. Without respect there is contempt, and contempt is a very ugly ugly word. This requires purposeful action: I call this, daily filling one another's love tanks.

When we lose respect for each other and we’re still living in the same house it is not a pretty picture. The nicest guy suddenly becomes a monster. The most lovable woman suddenly becomes intolerable. Strangely enough, this behavior is only to each other, not to any other strange, unfamiliar stranger.  Why? Because they lost respect.

 It's here that you have to maintain your dignity, you have to protect the others dignity and maintain a healthy respect for each other. If you’re getting married without respect, there’s no way that your marriage is going to work (spiritually, physically and even the marriage within yourself).

This is what happened to Adam and his honey bunny in the garden. They didn't respect God's command not to eat...It's what happened to Israel after she said, "whatever you say, we will do..."(Ex. 24:3,7); but then they didn't.

Pentecost is the time when the bride has prepared herself for the betrothal. These days of counting up are opportunities for preparation for the most dynamic revelation of the One Who already knows you in the most familiar way...yet, with Him, there is no contempt.

My prayer for each of us, in our earthly and heavenly relationship, is that we'd become so filled with respect that we want to know each other without the fig leaves.

Shalom,
Alan